NOTE: All posts are presented 'as is' as the poster wrote it originally, with no editing of the content except for last names and E-Mail addresses. The poster's ISP address is included as it was required to create the original post.
Post # 0000046b
Alienated from my children
Remote Name: 184.108.40.206
I live in Africa. I lost custody of my children 3 years ago due in a suspect court process. I have been fighting for my children since. The system here is so slow and my ex-husband (an abusive person) has all the time in the world to manipulate the situation. He tells the children (both below 10) things about our marriage, making me look like a bad person and at this present time, they refuse to speak to me, much less come home with me. They haven't lived with me for 2 years, I haven't seen them for 6 weeks and when we did meet, he would always be around to control the conversation. He is bitter about the divorce and makes the children feel the same way. I know they miss me and need me, I cannot get through to their father that what is going on is damaging for the kids. He does not seem to realize what he is doing, though I am sure he is aware. Other than wait for the next court date, I don't know what else to do. I feel I am doing everything I can, I push my hurt aside when the kids put down the phone as soon as they hear my voice, I still call the next day. Everyone says for me to wait, they would eventually come back to me but I cannot sit around and do nothing while my kids are being destroyed. I don't doubt my ability to deal with the kids when they come back to me. Is continued talking to their father going to help as he is the cause behind this alienation process? (Last changed: February 26, 2006)
Post # 0000046c
Re: Alienated from my children
Remote Name: 220.127.116.11
talking to the father has not helped me at all. He cannot let go of his bitterness and the way he is getting back at me is thru the children. We are presently going thru a psycho evaluation. It's very difficult to go thru this situation. i have 2 children who do not want to even come to visit. They come because the court ordered them. I had no idea about parent alienation until i actually went thru it. My advise is keep pushing the court system and seek a therapist to talk to. I would really be interested in other responses u receive. I have been going thru PAS for 2 1/2 years and no end in sight. I would be happy to share my information with you if u like. (Last changed: February 26, 2006 )
Post # 00000485
Alienated from my children, part 2 (neverending story)
Remote Name: 18.104.22.168
Shame on him. He called me on monday night to tell me the kids did not want to see at their school's prize-giving day the next day and i replied he best tell them that I am coming, I have every right, I have done nothing wrong. His answer to that was, we should start living separate lives. I know what he meant but excuse me, we have been living separate lives for 3 years. Anyway, so I attend the ceremony, first feeling ever so nervous, anticipating a scene, some drama that would excite everyone, but I knew what I had to do. The least was to see my kids, who I haven't seen since April and who wouldn't talk to me on the phone. We always tend to anticipate the worst (which may not be that bad). My ex was glued to my son (the youngest) who smiled at me and waved a tiny wave. My daughter saw me from far and waved too. Now bear in mind, she simply refused to talk to me. She was participating in a show, I went up to her and she was so happy to see. We hugged and kissed and spoke a bit. Wow, this was so good. It made everything worth its while when the alienated parent starts having doubts. I say, CHILDLESS PARENT, KEEP IT UP, ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER LOSE IS BEING A PARENT, NEVER!!!! (Last changed: February 26, 2006)
Post # 00000470
Re: Alienated from my children
Remote Name: 22.214.171.124
i wish i could get a psycho evaluation too but it is just so difficult here to make the right people understand the dynamics of PAS. And it does not help that there is no enforcement on the court order that said i was to have the children over the weekend. though it stated he was not supposed to be at the location where i was to pick them up, he did turn up. now i have to deal with that in court and the custody proceedings once again put on hold. but i am optimistic. I am the mother of those kids and no one can take that away from me ever (Last changed: February 26, 2006)
A related post:
Post # 00000481
Re: Ex Husband has brainwashed my three daughters
From: Bernie [last name removed]
Remote Name: 126.96.36.199
I have read your letter. I am in a similar situation in South Africa, although I won't say that my two girls view me as a bad mother, but they are intimidated by their father and won't stand up for me and they won't tell the authorities what is going on at home. But they tell me! I want to tape their conversations, but have been told that it won't do me any good as these tapes will not be entered into the court evidence. When I speak to them on the phone they tell me they love me and want to come home, but when their father is in the background they sound like they are reading something off a paper when they talk to me and its very impersonal and they sound fearful and depressed. I am heart-broken and approached the newspapers and television stations to air my story, as I don't have anything to hide, but they said that although they would like to do this story they can't, as the law states that the identities of the children have to be protected. I understand this, but does that mean that he just gets away with being a bad partner, a bad father and now can abuse us all further with the blessing of the laws of the country? Unbelievable! Well, the happy news is that I got married and am happy in my own way, but as soon as I have to talk about the children and what happened I break down - every time! I am so traumatised that I can't even read the court documents without a major depressive episode, and I can't do that anymore, so I just don't read the documents at all or talk about the children anymore. Its just like they are dead except I can't mourn them since I know where they are and what is happening. Am I making any sense??? Oh dear, this is too upsetting - I will make contact again. Just want to say that I understand and I am like you, so I guess that means neither you or I am alone! At least that is a start ... Bernie (Last changed: February 26, 2006)
END OF THIS TOPIC.
Disclaimer: PsyCare Inc. and Dr. Douglas Darnall, Ph.D. assumes no responsibility for the views expressed in any posting. When posting on any public forum, users should be aware that User Names and E-mails addresses which the poster included were/have been archived by sources which compile almost all Internet websites into an archives. Since these posts in their original forum were / have been online since 2006, there is no way to remove content because almost all Internet Websites are "archived" and therefore, the content with the identifiable information will remain in the Internet Archives even if completely removed from these pages. Internet Archiving is not under the control of PsyCare, Inc., its owner, or employees.
We would like to hear from you but please remember that your e-mail should be brief and our response, if any, does not constitute therapy or consultation. Thank you. Send e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org Or, call my office at: 1-330-759-2310.
Site revision 01/01/08 Last Update: 08/09/2011 Webmaster:
Douglas Darnall, Ph.D.
© Copyright 1997 to present, PsyCare, Inc.